Pyramid of Growth

As previously mentioned, the journey towards self-empowerment is everything BUT an overnight event or a smooth ride.  Let's look further into the process to get a better understanding of how this actually works.  To begin, I must share a little background first on what started my passage from auto-pilot to self-awareness.

I remember the day I decided to call off my wedding in my mid-20s.  My panic had set in as I slapped hair color on my mother's hair in my salon.  To be honest, I remember exactly what I was wearing...a black dress.  Earlier that month, I had started to take more pride in my appearance.  Dressing up was not something I was accustomed to but somewhere inside of me whispered, "Dress for the role you want to play."  I had been in a 5 year relationship with a responsible guy but we could not hide the slow drift apart much longer.  Our relationship had reached a point where we either needed to make a drastic change or part ways.  

As dense as I was back then, I could not shake the feelings swirling around inside of me.  "Mom, I feel like I am being shoved in a box and you are nailing the lid shut."

Was my mother actually forcing me into a box?  Hell no!  She was only doing what every mother dreams of doing with their daughter...planning a wedding.  We had chosen a beautiful dress and the perfect venue a month prior to this day.  $5000 was tied up in this sinking ship but I could not shake the feeling that this was the wrong road...for me and for my fiancé.  And to add insult to injury, neither one of us originally wanted any of the pomp and circumstance.  In the words of my late grandfather, "This wedding is for her, not you."  

My world traveling aunt was also in the salon that day.  She has always been the person I took after in the personality department.  A natural born adventurer, she groomed me into the wanderer I am today.  "Here is what I can do.  Call this wedding off and I'll see how much tickets to Rome are for tomorrow."  This was the first time something felt RIGHT.  I needed to leave town and never look back.

I went home that day and prepared for a hard discussion.  The 'talk' was simple.  No contest.  I packed my bags for Rome and made my way to my aunt's house for our early morning departure.

2 TSA checkpoints.  3 airport layovers.  1 taxi ride.  36 hours later, I woke up in a Roman hotel.  

I remember as if it were yesterday, the feeling I felt is imbedded in my memory like a cattle brand.  I. Felt. Free.

I processed my immense decision over the next 4 days with Chianti, pizza, Peroni's and gelato.  I watched a full moon rise over the ancient Italian city from our terrace.  It was March and 55 degrees.  The breeze embraced my face like a long, lost friend.  I just felt free...but not the freedom one feels after a traumatic relationship.  Mine was neither traumatic nor regretful.  I felt the freedom one feels after being held captive by the confines of their own mind.  I had finally let go of the things that were no longer meant for me.  There was no doubt in my mind that the feeling was mutual.  

What I had experienced was an awakening of my soul.  I had finally stepped off the ledge that was taunting me in my subconscious for longer than I wanted to admit.  I had finally identified what was no longer working for me.  

This, my friends, is the perfect example of how the process of self-awareness first presents itself.  It starts with one brave decision.  There was no blow-up.  We had no ill feelings towards each other.  We did not even resent each other.  It was just time to turn a new page.

For 3 months, I don't think him and I spoke once.  We weren't angry; we were just trying on new lives.  A brief tug-of-war for a year and a half did arise where we bounced back and forth on what we wanted but eventually we ended things for good in May of 2015. 

I spent the following 6 months on turbo!  I was taking Vyvanse around the clock while I worked all day and partied all night.  I was a regular at the local bar in town...and at a restaurant...and at another bar.  I had my cycle of partying for 3 days and then 1 day of rest.  Do I regret sowing my wild oats later in life?  Not at all.  But the very idea that I didn't get into a crack that I couldn't get out of is a miracle.  I befriended people who were horrible for my growth.  I let people sponge off of me out of fear of being alone.  I moved out of my apartment and into a house with someone who was secretly on a mission to destroy my life (stay tuned for how this experience turned into a blessing).  

There was no reasoning with me during this time.  I ended up in the ER around Christmas with heart issues and stress.  News about my ex's new life surfaced and unhinged my already fragile state beyond repair (or so I thought), leaving me feeling more lost than I had ever been.  My prized, beloved boutique that I worked so hard at was robbed December 10, 2015. I lost 95% of my inventory, leaving me with 50% less income for 6 months following.  To add insult to injury, my roommate that was 'helping' me hold it together was quietly racing around town spreading gossip that I had robbed my own boutique for insurance money to support a mythical drug habit I most certainly did not have.  I felt like I was being watched with judging eyes every time I showed my face in public.  

Isolated and desperate, I moved out of the house with my roommate and into a mother-in-law suite behind my ex's family's house where I continued to be hell on wheels.  I still haven't lived down the reputation the owner's of the house affectionately gave me..."night prowling".  Eventually, it was time to move on from there with their growing family needs after the August 2016 floods.  I was forced to move back to my childhood home with my mom, defeated and a shell of who I once was before.  

I became more and more AWARE that while the small town, family life was not for me, neither was partying until black out mode...and more importantly, the company I was intent on keeping was aiding to my destruction of myself.

I had to change.  There was no choice left. 

So, I went on a purge of my life.  I overhauled the entire damn thing, gutted my salon, threw away most of my belongings, ghosted every guy I was talking to and went AWOL... and I started from scratch.  I restructured every crevice life and discarded what I didn't need-stuff, dating and friends.  This, if you haven't guessed, is the dawning of my SELF-DISCOVERY phase. I had to start trying on new ways of living.  One by one, I added back to my life what I needed and left everything else where it belonged...away from me.

The funny thing about self-discovery is that it is the scariest, most exhilarating place you can arrive at in life.  I began to have new experiences.  I traveled more.  I tried new food.  I opened a boutique again and moved it to the richest neighborhood in Baton Rouge.  I was single for three years and ENJOYED it!  I completely embraced every single minute of it.  It was in this leg of my journey that I planted a seed for what would soon be the biggest project I had ever taken on...Shop The Area (more to come on this soon).  If I had taken the safe route of marriage, I would never have been in an environment to receive this idea.  I began to use my new findings about myself to manifest tangible things I had never thought I could have.  I was gaining momentum with every new risk I took and began to lay fears to the side.  I was single-handedly opening up my gifts by looking fear in the eye and carrying on anyway.  What did John Wayne say?  "Courage is being scared but saddling up anyway."  I saddled up and rode that horse as far as it would take me.

Before long, I began to acquire things that I only thought people more responsible than I could have...a home, new ideas, financial security(ish).  My dream for developing a local boutique delivery service, Shop The Area, began to take flight.  I used my own willpower and energy to forge a path into an amazing future.  It was at this point in my journey that I realized that I held the power to bring things to me through the law of attraction.  

This, guys and girls, was the SELF-EMPOWERMENT phase!  

Are you beginning to see the pattern?  The Pyramid of Growth. 

Step 1: Self-Awareness-the period after the unthinkable occurs in your life where you identify what is no longer serving and resonating with you.

Step 2: Self-Discovery-the period in which we restructure our beliefs according to what resonates with our new selves.

Step 3: Self-Empowerment-the period in which you discover that the power to manifest the life you want is within your control and grasp.

In order to live the life you are meant to live, you have to be willing to take risks and accept the moments when you hit rock bottom.  Rock bottom happens to be the ONLY place to build a solid foundation for a meaningful life.  None of us are immune to falling from the sky when it is time to level up.  This is how life is MEANT to be lived!  We cannot attract bigger and better features into our lives if we are cluttered with old paradigms from the past.  We have to be brave enough to let old ways and beliefs go...even if it means losing everyone and everything we worked for up until that point.  

I will leave you with one more tidbit before I wrap this up for now.  The Universe, Spirit, God, (insert your name for Higher Power) will continue to deliver lessons to us until we finally answer the call to change.  If we do not go of our own free will, life will do it for us.  Trust the unknown!  That is where the magic happens.  

Until next time...XOXO

Claire